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By Annonciata Byukusenge
In many Rwandan families today, children’s laughter is frequently drowned out by the sound of parents arguing. Disagreements over money, alcohol abuse, infidelity, or property disputes have quietly become a heavy burden on children, a burden that goes far beyond the walls of their homes and into their classrooms, their dreams, and their mental health.
Experts warn that domestic conflicts not only leave emotional scars but also disrupt children’s learning abilities, confidence, and sense of security. Many children find themselves carrying invisible wounds that teachers and parents alike often fail to notice.
“I stopped being a top student when my parents started fighting.”
Claude, a 14-year-old boy from Nduba Sector in Gasabo District, once stood proudly among the best students at Gasanze Primary School. But when his parents’ marriage began to crumble, so did his grades.
“I used to perform well when my parents got along,” he recalls softly. “Then my father started drinking. He would come home drunk and fight with my mother, saying he couldn’t raise a child who wasn’t his, because my mother had another child before they met. He stopped providing food and school materials. Since then, I haven’t been able to go back to school. They haven’t opened the door for me again.”
Claude’s eyes fill with tears as he explains how the constant fighting, neglect, and finally his father’s disappearance left him anxious and unable to focus.
“If my father came back home and we were happy again, I’m sure I’d pass my exams like before,” he says.
“I study during holidays because I failed.”
Emelyne, a 15-year-old student at G.S. Nyamata in Bugesera District, also lives in the shadow of her parents’ constant disputes.
“I’m always scared,” she admits. “When my parents argue, I can’t concentrate on anything. I skip school sometimes, and even when I attend, I can’t follow lessons. I failed last year, and now I’m studying during the holidays to catch up.”
She pauses, fidgeting with her notebook.
“It’s not that I’m not smart/intelligent. It’s just that my mind is never calm. I’m always thinking about what’s happening at home.”
Research reveals deep scars.
A 2023 study by the Rwanda Education Board (REB) found that children from conflict-ridden families are three times more likely to fall behind in school compared to those from stable homes. More than 40% of primary and secondary students suffer from stress or trauma linked to family problems, often leading to absenteeism, poor performance, or even dropping out.
The report also shows that trauma can push some children into risky behaviors such as child labor, running away from home, or petty crime as they search for escape or survival.
Experts sound the alarm.
Hawa Usabimana, a psychologist specializing in child behavior, says many children labeled as “failures” are actually struggling with emotional wounds.
“A child who watches their parents fight at night cannot focus in class the next day,” she explains. “Their mind replays the shouting and the violence. They cannot retain what they learn, and that affects memory, social relationships, and confidence.”
She emphasizes that children’s intelligence develops through the emotional nourishment they receive both at home and at school.
“If the home is broken, the school alone can’t fix it. The child’s foundation is already shaken,” she says.
Hawa urges parents facing marital problems to protect their children from conflict.
“Don’t fight or insult each other in front of them. If you must talk, do it privately. The emotional poison you give your child today will haunt their future,” she warns.
“Even if separation happens, parents should manage it maturely. Children are innocent and must be shielded.”
Teachers on the front line
Teachers, often the first to notice changes in children’s behavior, say they are overwhelmed and undertrained to handle such emotional cases.
“We don’t receive specific training to support traumatized children,” says Claudette, a teacher from Masoro. “Sometimes, all we can do is pray and try to encourage them. But it’s not easy, especially when we’re struggling with our own challenges.”
In Ruhango District, teacher Augustin Nteziyaremye explains that when a student’s performance drops, schools try to investigate.
“We sometimes call parents for discussions, but some refuse to come,” he says. “If we find that the child has nowhere safe to stay, we try to connect them with relatives who can provide a calmer environment.”
He proposes that schools establish “Family Clubs,” safe spaces where students can share their experiences, learn about conflict resolution, and receive support from teachers and local leaders.
When parents realize the harm
In Rulindo District, a mother of three, known as Mama Bebe, admits that she once fought with her husband in front of their children.
“We used to insult each other and even fight physically while the kids were watching,” she confesses. “I didn’t realize how much it hurt them until I saw how quiet and withdrawn they became.”
After seeking counseling from a local women’s group, the couple decided to change.
“Now our home is peaceful. The children are happy again, and their grades have improved,” she says. “Parents must remember that children are watching. Their right to peace must come before our anger.”
National efforts and remaining gaps
According to Froduard Tuyishimire, head of child protection programs at the National Child Development Agency (NCDA), family violence and neglect expose children to multiple risks, from trauma and depression to running away, child labor, or even suicide.
“Each child has the right to be protected from all forms of abuse,” he says. “If we don’t intervene early, the long-term effects can be devastating not only for the child but for society.”
While Rwanda’s education policy promotes inclusive learning, the Ministry of Education has yet to develop specialized training to help teachers identify and support children affected by family trauma.
A child’s right to peace
Both the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child and Rwanda’s Constitution affirm that every child must be protected from neglect, abuse, and any form of cruelty. Article 19 of the Constitution clearly states that “every child has the right to special protection by their family.”
And while the country has made progress with school dropout rates dropping from 7.5% to 7.1% in primary schools and from 9.2% to 7.5% in secondary schools, experts caution that more must be done to address the silent epidemic of emotional trauma caused by domestic conflict.
Because when a child’s home turns into a battlefield, no classroom in the world can give them peace until that home becomes a haven again.
